Cutler Will Not Be In Cavallari’s Pocket For Delivery & More

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Kristin Cavallari and Chicago Bears, starting quarterback Jay Cutler are expecting a baby. Recently TMZ asked Cavallari if Cutler would be at the head or feet during the birth… Cavallari responded by saying, “I want him by my head, and if he drifts down I will be throwing a flag for illegal man down field.” — Yes, on the field Cutler is a pocket passer, but in the delivery room, he’ll be scrambling away from her pocket.

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On March 21st the first annual Pole Dancing awards will be held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in Los Angeles. You can also stream them live on PWNAwards.com… After reading this article, I’m happy to announce that pole dancing is no longer just a gateway drug for becoming a hooker.

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Maura Fussell, Reston, Va., woman faces indecent exposure and public drunkenness charges after she allegedly showed up to visit her husband in Arlington County Jail wearing only her birthday suit. Fussell was there to visit her husband who was arrested earlier that Saturday… When the police asked why she showed up drunk and naked she said, “My husband called me and mentioned something about being a part of a gang bang.”

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NOTHING AFTER THE (…) IS FACTUAL. THEY ARE JOKES PEOPLE!

iCarly’s R-Rated BFF and More

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TMZ Sports is reporting skin specialist Dawn DaLuise is being held on $1 Million bail for solicitation to commit murder. DaLuise bragged about hiring former Detroit Lions offensive linemen, Chris Geile to kill his rival in the skin care industry… When Daluise was asked why the plan was not executed, he said, “momma always said, if want something done right, you gotta hire a Green Bay Packer”.

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A rather risque photo of iCarly star Jennette McCurdy was leaked. McCurdy believes this photo was leaked by NBA baller, Andre Drummond, from the Detroit Pistons. However, Drummond strongly denies being responsible for this development… When McCurdy was asked if she thinks this will affect her career negatively, she replied, “No, I don’t want to name names, but we can’t all twerk on stage with a married man in front of millions of people to jump start our adult careers”. – iCarly fans keep your eyes open for her new show, R-Rated-Carly’s BFF!

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Santa Monica Assemblyman Richard Bloom has proposed a bill that would ban the orca show in Shamu stadium at Sea World. Many California politicians oppose the idea for several reasons, mainly for it’s local significance on the job market… Bloom recently said, “bad things can happen when a whale is confined to a small place, just ask New Jersey Governor Chris Christie”.

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NOTHING AFTER THE (…) IS FACTUAL. THEY ARE JOKES PEOPLE!

2 Chainz Makes It Rain On California & More

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monologue-Jokes-header-22-chainz-i-luv-dem-strippers-ft-nicki-minaj-video-HHS1987-2012-1Rapper 2-Chainz was caught on video showering two strippers with money. It’s been reported that for the 2 1/2 minute performance the women pulled in $4000… When 2-Chainz was asked why he made it rain, he replied, “I thought one of the strippers was named California, so naturally, I ended the drought!”

Miley-Cyrus-Robin-Thicke-2013-VMA-Performance-Ihatemypublicist-1Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are on the outs. Things apparently headed south after Thicke’s VMA performance with Miley Cyrus… When Thicke was asked to comment about the possible divorce, he said, “no comment, but on March 7th Miley and I have a remix dropping called ‘Home Wrecking Ball’.” – Thicke also eluded to the fact that his next move might be to start a divorced men’s club for all those caught masturbating to their VMA performance.

022413sosodef_jp11-1In 2007, Rapper Da Brat was arrested and then served a little more than three-years in prison for violently “bottling” former Atlanta Falcons cheerleader, Shayla Stevens, leaving her with severe injuries. A jury has awarded Stevens 6.4-millon dollars. When the settlement was announced, Stevens said, “give me your M-O-N-E-Y, what’s that spell, YEAH MONEY!”

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NBA All-Star Baby Boom| Francis VS Wynn | Forgetful Mariah

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MARIAH CAREY FORGETS NICKI MINAJ

Former co-American Idol judges and music icons, Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj recently released their newest music videos on the same day. The beef between the two was no secret and it clearly hasn’t ended. During a radio promotion Mariah was asked about Nicki, and she answered “who” — Let me get this straight, she forgot “who” Nicki Minaj is, married the kid from Nickelodeon, and refers to her fans as “Lambs”. Someone call Harvard Med, excessive body glitter cause alzheimer’s.

 

Steve Wynn Slander Trial

Girls Gone Wild Conspiracy

Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis claims billionaire Steve Wynn is trying to buy his bankrupt GGW porn company. Apparently Wynn’s plan is to fire the employees and dismantle the company because of a grudge. — When asked to comment further, Francis said, “I’d hate to live in a world with one less group of people preying on drunk, insecure, female spring breakers… So I’d like to announce my new venture, Girls Gone Really Wild!”

 

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NBA ALL-STAR WEEKEND

BREEDING GROUND

This weekend thousands of athletes, entertainers, and opportunistic women will gather in New Orleans for the NBA All-Star festivities (everyone knows you can’t spell titties without “star festivities”). — When New Orleans mayor was asked how things were going, he said, “GREAT, move over Thanksgiving, the final week of November is now National Paternity Suit week.” — A local attorney was asked about his thoughts, and he said, “We’re expecting a lot babies named Cinnamon Barkley and Kevin Corvette Hart Jr.”

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Gold Medal Tie | Twilight Poetry | Jenner Plastic Surgery

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monologue-Jokes-header-2kristen stewart coverStar of the Twilight Saga, Kristen Stewart was recently featured in the magazine Marie Claire. Within the article Stewart had one of her poems published. It was titled, “My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole”… This left many people anticipating her next poem, “My Three-Way With The Wolf and Vampire”.

 

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In Sochi the women’s Olympic downhill ended in a tie between, Switzerland’s Dominique Gisin and Slovenia’s Tina Maze. At first Vladimir Putin was outraged, saying, “The Olympics is about one man being on top”… After being shown the photo of the two women holding hands, he said, “OH, I guess it’s okay if it’s two women going downhill on each other.”

 

https://i1.wp.com/i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/12/13/article-2522927-1A11AA2B00000578-286_306x423.jpgBruce Jenner and family are denying the rumors that he is in the process of going through gender reassignment surgery. On one hand it’s believable that he is chasing the ravishing good looks of his youth. On the other hand, after 9 seasons of Keeping Up With The Kardashians… If you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em.

 

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