Cutler Will Not Be In Cavallari’s Pocket For Delivery & More

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Kristin Cavallari and Chicago Bears, starting quarterback Jay Cutler are expecting a baby. Recently TMZ asked Cavallari if Cutler would be at the head or feet during the birth… Cavallari responded by saying, “I want him by my head, and if he drifts down I will be throwing a flag for illegal man down field.” — Yes, on the field Cutler is a pocket passer, but in the delivery room, he’ll be scrambling away from her pocket.


On March 21st the first annual Pole Dancing awards will be held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in Los Angeles. You can also stream them live on… After reading this article, I’m happy to announce that pole dancing is no longer just a gateway drug for becoming a hooker.


Maura Fussell, Reston, Va., woman faces indecent exposure and public drunkenness charges after she allegedly showed up to visit her husband in Arlington County Jail wearing only her birthday suit. Fussell was there to visit her husband who was arrested earlier that Saturday… When the police asked why she showed up drunk and naked she said, “My husband called me and mentioned something about being a part of a gang bang.”

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Auto Tune Protest E Cigs

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Lawmakers are trying to ban electronic cigarettes in major cities across the country (Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston, New York). Auto tune e cigs pack a powerful, peaceful message with every drag. They feature simple protests, movie catchphrases, animal orgasms, and more. Treating e smokers like tobacco smokers seems unfair, and misguided considering all the other problems plaguing major cities. Please support the protest by watching and sharing the following video. Thank you.


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Plan C: Male Birth Control

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To a heterosexual male, two of the most frightening words in the English language are hearing a woman say, “I’m pregnant”. Whether you were planning or its unexpected, there is an unseen nervous twitch in the mans face, a moment of selfish panic. It may appear the male facial expression goes from normal to excitement, but it doesn’t. In that moment a man see’s his life flash before his eyes, the feeling to run and hide takes over momentarily, but they realize it would be too hard. Until now, introducing Plan C, the after conception Male Birth Control.




iCarly’s R-Rated BFF and More

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TMZ Sports is reporting skin specialist Dawn DaLuise is being held on $1 Million bail for solicitation to commit murder. DaLuise bragged about hiring former Detroit Lions offensive linemen, Chris Geile to kill his rival in the skin care industry… When Daluise was asked why the plan was not executed, he said, “momma always said, if want something done right, you gotta hire a Green Bay Packer”.


A rather risque photo of iCarly star Jennette McCurdy was leaked. McCurdy believes this photo was leaked by NBA baller, Andre Drummond, from the Detroit Pistons. However, Drummond strongly denies being responsible for this development… When McCurdy was asked if she thinks this will affect her career negatively, she replied, “No, I don’t want to name names, but we can’t all twerk on stage with a married man in front of millions of people to jump start our adult careers”. – iCarly fans keep your eyes open for her new show, R-Rated-Carly’s BFF!


Santa Monica Assemblyman Richard Bloom has proposed a bill that would ban the orca show in Shamu stadium at Sea World. Many California politicians oppose the idea for several reasons, mainly for it’s local significance on the job market… Bloom recently said, “bad things can happen when a whale is confined to a small place, just ask New Jersey Governor Chris Christie”.

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LA Weather Man Graphically Upset

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Los Angeles field weather reporter Chase Storm awaits the biggest rain storm to hit LA in years. However, before the lightning strikes he becomes thunderous. If you’ve ever been to La La Land it’s likely you didn’t see any other weather than 75 and sunny. So for an aspiring weather man like Chase, LA was probably a poor place to end up.

The other aspect of the weather department that is amusing, are the people who put together the update graphics for Los Angeles weather. They are always over dramatized and normally the actual weather outcome disappoints those of us hoping for a variation from sunshine. I bundled all of this into this weeks sketch. Please ENJOY!


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2 Chainz Makes It Rain On California & More

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monologue-Jokes-header-22-chainz-i-luv-dem-strippers-ft-nicki-minaj-video-HHS1987-2012-1Rapper 2-Chainz was caught on video showering two strippers with money. It’s been reported that for the 2 1/2 minute performance the women pulled in $4000… When 2-Chainz was asked why he made it rain, he replied, “I thought one of the strippers was named California, so naturally, I ended the drought!”

Miley-Cyrus-Robin-Thicke-2013-VMA-Performance-Ihatemypublicist-1Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are on the outs. Things apparently headed south after Thicke’s VMA performance with Miley Cyrus… When Thicke was asked to comment about the possible divorce, he said, “no comment, but on March 7th Miley and I have a remix dropping called ‘Home Wrecking Ball’.” – Thicke also eluded to the fact that his next move might be to start a divorced men’s club for all those caught masturbating to their VMA performance.

022413sosodef_jp11-1In 2007, Rapper Da Brat was arrested and then served a little more than three-years in prison for violently “bottling” former Atlanta Falcons cheerleader, Shayla Stevens, leaving her with severe injuries. A jury has awarded Stevens 6.4-millon dollars. When the settlement was announced, Stevens said, “give me your M-O-N-E-Y, what’s that spell, YEAH MONEY!”

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NFL Combine Interview | 2014 Exclusive

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It’s that time of year where the brightest NFL coaches, scouts, and general managers gather to watch the worlds most supreme athletes, run, jump, bend, and run some more. During this one workout a players entire draft stock can fluctuate drastically, netting them or costing them millions of dollars. Yes, if you’re familiar with the NFL you know that all of these kids also get a hand fed pro day, but nothing can move or secure your draft stock like running an impressive 40-yard dash, ie Jadaveon Clowney. Throwing a tight spiral can help billionaires forget they are about to invest millions on a spoiled child, ie Johnny Manziel.

This weeks sketch I sat down with myself, as I play future NFL star Terrance Fuller, I take you inside the NFL Combine player interview room. Please take a moment to watch some of the absurd questions asked to this fictitious future NFL prospect. What are some of the questions you would have asked an incoming NFL rookie? Please post your questions down in the comment section, and perhaps they’ll make the 2015 NFL Combine video.



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